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Life transitions


(another non-running post)

After my last post few things happened.  I am procrastinating on my homework as I am on those low moods of mine.

It’s been the 3rd month yet still time seem not to have fixed me yet, the person who has caused the trauma and upset feelings said I will be fine in 3 months. He’s been fine since day 1. I have not realized I would have come to this point.  I’ve always been a person who is able to pick myself up, start all over again.

Obviously, the situation has triggered a strong emotion of loneliness and hurt.

His reasons was attachment causes loneliness, he is not ready to commit, he can not love as much what he is being given, he feels manipulated, he blames his non responsiveness to the relation as my insecurity, I was moody, that I was co-dependent.  He had lots of complaints.  He’s made a mistake to get involved as it was all too good on some occasions but is limited to only good things, but he can not give back, he initiated from the start and was the first one to give up.  I made a mistake for being too kind and getting my guards down.  My assumptions of him was wrong. I did accept everything of who he is and his flaws.

I am trying to forgive and forget and move on. I do not want to be back with him, I wish it never happened either, it was too painful.  It has brought me to depression.  He never tried his best to close things properly.

This led to things and I was on medical leave for a month.  Maybe I will talk about this when I am ready.

I’ve avoided him eversince, and made no contact, however he kept on contacting me. It upsets me.  Some people can think and say I am a  bad sport, but yes, I don’t care what other people say.  It is myself and it is my emotions.  One wouldn’t know how it feels not until they’re on the same situation.

Must: stop thinking negative thoughts, keep myself busy but not overly busy, meet with friends, exercise, pamper myself, have enough sleep

Thankful: friends who are always there to listen and hang out, sisters, parents

Project: Finish spring semester in Uni, travel, get a cat, forgive – for myself, start looking regular hours

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