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And again

15/08/2014

I haven’t been running the past 3 months, I had a plantar fasciitis after recovering from my back/hip pain.

I was sent to work overseas – Philippines, it was okey, good to see friends and my parents.  But it is now a place that was once familiar which isn’t anymore.  I never thought I’d come to a day to say, I miss home – Sydney.   I have lots of respect and still find Philippines as home because I have friends and my parents are there, but I find home and contentment and happiness here in Sydney.  It can be lonely being far away, but I get through it.  I was away 37 days.

From December last year, I fell in love with someone, i liked him very much – we had so much in common, we enjoyed each other company – I was made to believe he loved and cared for me.  But while I was overseas or even before i was sent overseas, he started drifting off.  He wasn’t in love with me. Yes, I am very hurt.  He says, there is nothing I have done to have caused it.  It’s hard to accept and move on if you get reasons like this.  I am trying my best to move on.  It hurts so much. Words isn’t enough to show how much the pain is.

I am forcing myself to do things I like.  Nothing has been taken away from me, I do love myself, I just need to accept and let go. That was 7 months – we almost lived in each other’s space everyday that’s why its hard, we have the same friends and groups. Nothing will take the pain away for now.

I have started running to help the process of healing- slowly not to aggravate my injury.  Even if it means seeing him in the running club.  Force myself to go to the gym, do Yoga, and climbing even if I see him there.  I know time and space should heal, however, he did not want to stay away from the places we have in common, so I have to rough it through.  I am hoping slowly that pain and hurt will go away.

Writing is also therapeutic for me.  No I am not going to whinge or put the details here, all i know is I am very very hurt and in emotional and psychological pain.

Hoping this will pass … day at a time.

“Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land”
Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems

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